Fantasy football: Battle of NFL's worst could bring big results If anyone ever tells you they have all the answers, press the skeptical button immediately. Unplug the trust cord. Turn off the credible-source light. Then leave the room. The NFL is as unpredictable in the short-term and long-term as any sport.
Fantasy Football: The only non-reality programming we have left September 19, 0 0 These days, everything is seemingly centered on reality programming. Thus, what a relief it is to occasionally opine on the fantasy side of things.
Fantasy football. For years, fantasy sports have been at the forefront of sports fandom. Heck, even the NFL replacement officials have reportedly been caught up in the hulabaloo. What began as a niche following among diehard baseball fans who followed Rotisserie with the same aplomb as they did its edible namesake now has spread to all corners of the sports universe — perhaps even fantasy bowling — in the process becoming a rather lucrative enterprise.
Heck, the furor has even pushed a certain writer back into the ranks of the rancor, fueling a degenerate football jones in the process. I decided that the experts be damned. Counter-intuitive would be the new intuitive for team Bowlful of Schmaltz.
When I realized I was left with the seventh overall pick, I was somewhat relieved. Last year, I had the first overall pick and ended up getting bounced out of the postseason after an injured hamstring, bad knee, hurt back, and steroid suspension.
Megatron sounded too robotic. I was worried about drafting Aaron Rodgers since State Farm does not insure me, and was worried that my carrier would drop me like a stale frank on Oktoberfest.
Being worried about all these potential conflicts led me down the path of snapping up Drew Brees from the now-ironically nicknamed Saints, Ryan Mathews who broke a collarbone in a car crash you know how Southern California drivers are , and Maurice Jones-Drew, whose name endures about as long as his holdout did.
Throw in a couple of guys named Toby, Anquan, Dez, and Ryan, and you have the makings of either a very sorrowful fantasy football team or the next pilot to be canceled by NBC.
At this point, it may be necessary to note that even though 15 lifeless schlubs made it onto the roster, I would be making cuts soon after with the voracity of a Broadway casting director.
Well, maybe an off-Broadway casting director. Doubtfire would. However, soon realizing that nearly two decades-old material, as well as two rushing yards in two games, would not sustain Bowlful of Schmaltz, he was dropped. The smiling visage of my team logo, the brilliantly mustachioed Gene Shalit, reminded me that I was doing good and doing well with the move, thus I continued.
Same goes for the annual Phantom of the Opera, Ronnie Brown.
Brent Celek? He sounds like he could be smart. If nothing else, it allows me material for my weekly Wednesday filler. Want more great sports stories?
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